who is this?

Why do I feel like crying?..Oh, I'm 29 and I have done nothing with my life. Yet. Man is that a depressing thought. Twenty Nine years to do something, anything. Nothing is all I have provided. Amazingly enough, after twenty nine years of failure, I am determined to accomplish something, anything, by my thirtieth birthday. By anything I do mean anything. Asian twins, skydiving from Wausau's tallest structure, ummmmm...getting a job in a civilized land. ANYTHING.

In conclusion....yeah, try not to be so loser-ish this year. Oh, and this b-day will be the loneliest of lonely in many moons. Good things I have these roommates that I am BFF with...

Love,

me

p.s. why is it that after twenty nine years I just can't find anything to feel good about? I know this is a depressing thought, but for the love of fuck, this is getting ridiculous...

My only friend, the end

2008, buh-fucking-bye. Terrible-terrible year. 2009...please nice be to me? At least somewhat? You don't have to be extra gentle, and wear gloves when handling me, just...you know...be kinda good? Maybe provide some type of promise, or a glimpse of hope for a better future.

At a point, yet to be determined, I would love to be in one of those relationship things that actually works out. Now, I do realize I need to work harder at other areas in my life as well. Be faster and stronger. Learn new things. This is my goal for this year. Learn. Everything. I. Can. It all starts with a 30 day fast, to begin on Jan Six. 30 days to not consume things like alcohol or cigarettes. 30 days to kick-start nearly dead brain processes. 30 days to start getting serious about exercise again. 30 days of not eating what I want to eat. 30. Cuz next jan five I do turn 30, and I do not want to be in the same place I am now.

My car, my car, my dear 'ol car. Trip numero tres to the mechanic will happen ASAP. How can they fix your ills for only a few days, then failure to follow? It make-a no sense, yah?

I would like to thank the academy

After my b-day, I will not touch a drop of alcohol for one month. A test of my will to succeed. Sadly, this will be the hardest thing I will have ever done. And it's all in my head. I actually anticipate this being more difficult than trying to quit smoking (which I still haven't done).

Gonna be hard to stay out of bars and away from beer and such at home. Hell, even work is gonna be harder due to the culture of drinking we have here. There is always beer and hard liqueur at work. Being that most of my friends are also my co-workers shall add an element of difficulty to this mission. If I can, If I can, If I just can. I could then do anything...

x-mas blues

This time of year is always tough. Everyone else is motivated and having a good time with it, and I'm over there in the corner by myself. So far there have been, what...two x-mas's where I didn't feel this way?

If I had the means, I would take the whole month of December off and go hang out on a beach somewhere not talking to anyone. Maybe I am finally coming to grips with depression or something. My happy-go-lucky ran out?

On to other news, I now owe a thousand dollars more for medical shit than I did before. So I have that going for me. Man I cannot get ahead. There is no traction. I mean fuck...I don't even have a functioning car. Good thing I work with one of my roommates...

What really grinds my gears

I am part of Beast Buy's rewardzone something or other. So I gets an invite, like all in the program do, to go to their private shopping party last night. I shows up, line like halfway out the parking lot. So the lady and I go to IHOP for some pancakes. Go back to BB-boutique, no line. Go in and pick out all the goodies (Little Big Planet) and an x-mas gift. All was well 'til the employees started getting pushy. "join our gamers rewards thingy...here, buy Hancock two days before it comes out. Get the protection plan for just $5 dollars in case you can't take care of your game disks you incompetent Americano". Yeah, fuck off. Lemme buy my stuff and leave me the hell alone.

What really gets me, is how many people buy these things for them to push them so eff'in hard? 10%? 5%? 25%? It must be enough, as they push harder every time I go there to make a purchase...

And OH YEAH. Fucking who would wannna buy Hancock? No one wanted to see it in the theater for a gaddamn reason! So buying it for $30 on blu-ray cuz I'm walking around with ONE ps3 game? This was an act of violence. Like east and west berlin pissing over the wall 30 years ago.

bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye

Knee was injured, now fixed and on the mend. Today marked a milestone of sorts: I finished my physical therapy regimen. Thursday also makes seventeen weeks post surgery! As boring and lonely as this summer was, it frigg'in flew at light speed somehow. It was painful, awkward, and financially damaging. And now it is pretty much over :-(

So to the fine folks at the Sport and Spine clinic of Wausau and Rib Mountain...I salute you. Ya'll did a fine job (and yes Bone and Joint clinic, a shout out to you's cuz you did great on the surgery thing( in getting me started on the road to recovery. I still have many months before it is all done and I am 100%. But damn I am lightyears from where I was even a month ago...

gone again

Back in the 'wau for more self loathing. Time to get to work on OPS. This will be multi-faceted. Could be good. could be very bad. Not for me to decide. It really does mean I needs to get to work. Stop dilly-dallying about and right this partially capsized ship. Learn. Capture streams. Post on **************.com. Learn some more. Time and patience will tell the story later.

Fight

Triumph

Ashamed

Aaron Rodgers, please never dance again? Ever? Ever-ever? Promise? I can't believe you would do this in front of thousands of people. I can't dance, I can't talk, the only thing about me is the way I walk. Dude that's so wrong...

indeterminate

I made it safe and sound to the place of living. Weston. Powered by a Sobe drink and water. Car in its final resting spot I cracked open a beer with the 'mates. Oh the horror. Saturday night saw me drinking splendid and wonderful tasting dark beers from the world around. Sunday night saw me slurping Busch Light. Never again. The taste was so awful I would gladly rinse my mouth out with lighter fluid. Or bleach.

Twin Cities were good. Always a trip to see the fam's in all their drunken stupor. And I getz to see my BFF when out there (which is forever good, regardless of what city/cuntry I get to see Clint in). Now...where to put my cheshire cat picture I obtained...Where...

I dropped a deuce, and I liked it

Off to a big city that has buildings seemingly touching the heavens themselves. Where one can see indie movies and drink at obscure places while playing Atari and Commodore 64. This place I am traveling to is definitely not the Wausau Metroplex.

At 9:30pm I will be seeing the movie adaptation of Choke, which is one of my most favoritest books ever. The person responsible for turning me on to this book is also the one I am seeing the movie with (and he also hooked me back on reading with Choke). I haven't been without a book in my hand since the year 2000 after a brief 2 year hiatus from reading.

Bye 'Wau. bbl

love,

b