Via the fog of insanity, new rulers with calm minds do roost

who is this?

2009-01-04T21:14:00.003-06:00

Why do I feel like crying?..Oh, I'm 29 and I have done nothing with my life. Yet. Man is that a depressing thought. Twenty Nine years to do something, anything. Nothing is all I have provided. Amazingly enough, after twenty nine years of failure, I am determined to accomplish something, anything, by my thirtieth birthday. By anything I do mean anything. Asian twins, skydiving from Wausau's tallest structure, ummmmm...getting a job in a civilized land. ANYTHING.

In conclusion....yeah, try not to be so loser-ish this year. Oh, and this b-day will be the loneliest of lonely in many moons. Good things I have these roommates that I am BFF with...

Love,

me

p.s. why is it that after twenty nine years I just can't find anything to feel good about? I know this is a depressing thought, but for the love of fuck, this is getting ridiculous...

My only friend, the end

2008-12-31T07:48:00.003-06:00

2008, buh-fucking-bye. Terrible-terrible year. 2009...please nice be to me? At least somewhat? You don't have to be extra gentle, and wear gloves when handling me, just...you know...be kinda good? Maybe provide some type of promise, or a glimpse of hope for a better future.

At a point, yet to be determined, I would love to be in one of those relationship things that actually works out. Now, I do realize I need to work harder at other areas in my life as well. Be faster and stronger. Learn new things. This is my goal for this year. Learn. Everything. I. Can. It all starts with a 30 day fast, to begin on Jan Six. 30 days to not consume things like alcohol or cigarettes. 30 days to kick-start nearly dead brain processes. 30 days to start getting serious about exercise again. 30 days of not eating what I want to eat. 30. Cuz next jan five I do turn 30, and I do not want to be in the same place I am now.

My car, my car, my dear 'ol car. Trip numero tres to the mechanic will happen ASAP. How can they fix your ills for only a few days, then failure to follow? It make-a no sense, yah?

I would like to thank the academy

2008-12-22T13:30:00.003-06:00

After my b-day, I will not touch a drop of alcohol for one month. A test of my will to succeed. Sadly, this will be the hardest thing I will have ever done. And it's all in my head. I actually anticipate this being more difficult than trying to quit smoking (which I still haven't done).

Gonna be hard to stay out of bars and away from beer and such at home. Hell, even work is gonna be harder due to the culture of drinking we have here. There is always beer and hard liqueur at work. Being that most of my friends are also my co-workers shall add an element of difficulty to this mission. If I can, If I can, If I just can. I could then do anything...

x-mas blues

2008-12-22T08:25:00.003-06:00

This time of year is always tough. Everyone else is motivated and having a good time with it, and I'm over there in the corner by myself. So far there have been, what...two x-mas's where I didn't feel this way?

If I had the means, I would take the whole month of December off and go hang out on a beach somewhere not talking to anyone. Maybe I am finally coming to grips with depression or something. My happy-go-lucky ran out?

On to other news, I now owe a thousand dollars more for medical shit than I did before. So I have that going for me. Man I cannot get ahead. There is no traction. I mean fuck...I don't even have a functioning car. Good thing I work with one of my roommates...

What really grinds my gears

2008-11-10T12:24:00.004-06:00

I am part of Beast Buy's rewardzone something or other. So I gets an invite, like all in the program do, to go to their private shopping party last night. I shows up, line like halfway out the parking lot. So the lady and I go to IHOP for some pancakes. Go back to BB-boutique, no line. Go in and pick out all the goodies (Little Big Planet) and an x-mas gift. All was well 'til the employees started getting pushy. "join our gamers rewards thingy...here, buy Hancock two days before it comes out. Get the protection plan for just $5 dollars in case you can't take care of your game disks you incompetent Americano". Yeah, fuck off. Lemme buy my stuff and leave me the hell alone.

What really gets me, is how many people buy these things for them to push them so eff'in hard? 10%? 5%? 25%? It must be enough, as they push harder every time I go there to make a purchase...

And OH YEAH. Fucking who would wannna buy Hancock? No one wanted to see it in the theater for a gaddamn reason! So buying it for $30 on blu-ray cuz I'm walking around with ONE ps3 game? This was an act of violence. Like east and west berlin pissing over the wall 30 years ago.

bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye

2008-10-21T18:34:00.003-05:00

Knee was injured, now fixed and on the mend. Today marked a milestone of sorts: I finished my physical therapy regimen. Thursday also makes seventeen weeks post surgery! As boring and lonely as this summer was, it frigg'in flew at light speed somehow. It was painful, awkward, and financially damaging. And now it is pretty much over :-(

So to the fine folks at the Sport and Spine clinic of Wausau and Rib Mountain...I salute you. Ya'll did a fine job (and yes Bone and Joint clinic, a shout out to you's cuz you did great on the surgery thing( in getting me started on the road to recovery. I still have many months before it is all done and I am 100%. But damn I am lightyears from where I was even a month ago...

gone again

2008-10-19T22:03:00.002-05:00

Back in the 'wau for more self loathing. Time to get to work on OPS. This will be multi-faceted. Could be good. could be very bad. Not for me to decide. It really does mean I needs to get to work. Stop dilly-dallying about and right this partially capsized ship. Learn. Capture streams. Post on **************.com. Learn some more. Time and patience will tell the story later.

Fight

Triumph

Ashamed

2008-10-16T07:54:00.002-05:00

Aaron Rodgers, please never dance again? Ever? Ever-ever? Promise? I can't believe you would do this in front of thousands of people. I can't dance, I can't talk, the only thing about me is the way I walk. Dude that's so wrong...

indeterminate

2008-10-13T12:36:00.003-05:00

I made it safe and sound to the place of living. Weston. Powered by a Sobe drink and water. Car in its final resting spot I cracked open a beer with the 'mates. Oh the horror. Saturday night saw me drinking splendid and wonderful tasting dark beers from the world around. Sunday night saw me slurping Busch Light. Never again. The taste was so awful I would gladly rinse my mouth out with lighter fluid. Or bleach.

Twin Cities were good. Always a trip to see the fam's in all their drunken stupor. And I getz to see my BFF when out there (which is forever good, regardless of what city/cuntry I get to see Clint in). Now...where to put my cheshire cat picture I obtained...Where...

I dropped a deuce, and I liked it

2008-10-11T09:09:00.006-05:00

Off to a big city that has buildings seemingly touching the heavens themselves. Where one can see indie movies and drink at obscure places while playing Atari and Commodore 64. This place I am traveling to is definitely not the Wausau Metroplex.

At 9:30pm I will be seeing the movie adaptation of Choke, which is one of my most favoritest books ever. The person responsible for turning me on to this book is also the one I am seeing the movie with (and he also hooked me back on reading with Choke). I haven't been without a book in my hand since the year 2000 after a brief 2 year hiatus from reading.

Bye 'Wau. bbl

love,

b

Once upon a flying car

2008-10-09T12:13:00.004-05:00

I hate driving. In fact, the older I get the more I seem to hate everything. Currently, I am considering putting down the $194k to buy this sweet-ass flying car. I am $400 towards my goal. I can do this...

I am not the only one...

2008-10-08T13:27:00.002-05:00

...who noticed McCain's use of "My Friends" from the debacle last night. My Friends at the LA Times even counted it for us. 24 times? Sounds like Johnny boi is a big fan of Keifer Sutherland or something...

McCain - Obama momma

2008-10-08T10:13:00.003-05:00

Dear John McCain,

Please get rid of the gap between your front teeth that produces the horrible whistling sound when you speak. Please? Oh - and stop referring to us as your "friends." We aren't. You are a Vietnam vet who is now some slime-ball politico type. How you won the Republican ticket I do not understand...

Obama...you have the shifty eyes of a used car salesman. "No sir, this here car was never-EVER in an accident." You are a very good public speaker. I'll give you credit for that. The democrats found a bill clinton-esque dude who is quick as fuck wit wise. But more social programs? Seriously? That's not change. Sounds like higher taxes. Sounds like an even bigger gov't. Sounds like...lies?

Both of you fail miserably. The only hope here is that DC either spontaneously combusts or you both are taken out before this election happens. We won't be lucky enough for either of those events to come true, but it comforts me to think it could happen?

Waste your time here

2008-10-08T09:59:00.001-05:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032553/#scroll_debates

I don't believe, and do not anticipate seeing anything they are talking about being enacted, regardless of who is voted in as pres. fuck both of these guys.

One more thing for today...

2008-10-07T12:20:00.003-05:00

Does this scare you? Our economic model being run by matlab on a dell workstation? It scares the fuck outta me...I think the powers that be need to be replaced. By competent American's. Maybe things wouldn't be better, but career politicians are doing us no favours.

Mamma gonna knock you out...

2008-10-07T12:18:00.002-05:00

Hahahaha, deuchebag CEO gets knocked the fuck out. Read here. Now that is some funny stuff, I recommend whoever did the knocking out for a medal of honor from congress

Amplify the Sounds from the Back-room, and You will Hear Nirvana

2008-10-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

You've reached the darkest place you have ever known...your own subconscious. The blind synapses, firing through mud. That's you back there. Back of your head. Staring out into a pathetic wasteland of your lifelong accumulations and acquisitions. Making lifeless decisions based on neediness and site-less decisions. Blind with synapses rage you are. A whimsical creature, not really living. But not yet dead.

Smoking a cigarette on a cloud-forced moonless night in a small city, North-woods, Wisconsin. All alone. Arranging the best possessions you've known: a white Russian with almost no ice in it, a book, and itunes to appease the cerebral cortex. Or was it one of the lobes? Can't tell anymore, never was nor never will be a doctor. Just a pawn on someone else's chessboard. What a night for some wine and a full pack of Doral Lights? Except you have no wine, and only 2 Doral's left. What a feeling to be this alive!!!! Give me more, I say! Haven't felt this alone since 1979, still trapped in my mothers womb and only feeling lonely because I didn't know any better.

I should load the tape recorder with a fresh ribbon, and hit the sidewalks tonight. Make a flask filled with vodka goodness, come home happy and sweaty. 21:47 and I like Autolux. 21:48 and I suddenly love Failure more. Must...buy...wine....tomorrow. Might have a high life after this last w'Russian is completed. Then pass-out into a dreamless sleep. Somewhere, George W. Bush will laugh at how poor and useless I am. National Defense be damned!

Love,

Me

More (NIN)

2008-07-12T16:46:00.001-05:00

It's a cover, deal with it

2008-06-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite bands, covering another favorite bands song:

Find more videos like this on w.a.s.t.e. central

= love at first hear!

Tha coolest song ever

2008-06-06T22:07:00.001-05:00

Sorry, I am a Radiohead geek...to say the least. Here is the coolest version of a song called Nude off of their latest release In Rainbows (if you don't have it, get it ASAP...the two disc set is tops on my list of albums):

Big Ideas (Don't get any) from 1030 on Vimeo.

Howzabout kill you?

2008-06-06T16:47:00.003-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/06/nyregion/06rape.html?ex=1370491200&en=bc60cf51266f5a15&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

There are some seriously deranged folk out there, as illustrated by the above link. What is it about our society that makes stuff like this into papers almost daily? Can't wrap my head 'round all of this. No sense...nonsense. It makes me sad. Almost cried reading, and definitely cringed reading that shit. I fear for our future, as our collective societies morals continue to erode further. Misconduct to a degree, that even snuffing out the life of the criminal isn't even a fitting justice.

Where do we go from here?

2k8, new, old, lame

2008-05-21T19:38:00.002-05:00

Cubs season is here, and has been for almost two months now. Guess what? They have been playing rather well. Not Great. Just good 'nuff. On top in the NL Central.

So I invested my $20/mo. into MLB.tv to check it out. I really just wanna see the Cubbies, and follow the Brewers this season. Hmmm, yes to the Cubbies, big no to the Brewers. As luck would have it, the 'crew are blacked out in all of Wisconsin if they are on cable. Guess why I paid for MLB.tv? No cable, you are correct, and you win nothing. Level of hating the FCC and MLB? Fucking Code Orange DHS style.

One bizarre tidbit, a commercial that MLB fashioned on their own (something about the All Star game), contains the song National Anthem by the band Radiohead on their glorious album Kid A. Just the opening bass solo really, but it gave my ears a boner none-the-less. I have no complaints or greivances, just noticed it, and decided to point it out!

Thanks for looking!

And then it happens

2008-05-18T09:41:00.003-05:00

Hopelessness hath crept into my already cold and bitter heart. After a treacherous winter of hiding from below zero temps and lots of snow...the thaw finally showed up. Summer shown bright through a blue and warm sky. And then it happens.

Falling.

Apart.

Getting.

Old.

Summer ended for me. Too early. Injury timeout. On the shelf as they say. Can't believe this is real, but the discomfort level is too high, and MRI's don't lie. Part of me died. Maybe I can resuscitate later.

Where did you come from

2008-04-19T10:52:00.002-05:00

Crackwhore is trying to cause wonton destruction of global economies. Why? In this day and age, how can we not assassinate this asshole on the sly? We are wrong...

In this time of Dieing

2008-04-15T07:37:00.001-05:00

Spring is almost (finally) here. Technically, it has been here for quite a while, but-eth hathe noteth reared 'tis uglified head 'tilleth thiseth week. GOODBYE SNOW, THX FOR ALL THE FISH! kthxbi

One day, in Pakistan, I saw this video and it made me cry salty tears of joy

2008-04-13T03:36:00.001-05:00

Not that I ever watch pr0n, but when and if this happens, I love when the chicks are getting railed with their crosses and crucifii bouncing around on their chest.

Just

2008-04-03T11:55:00.000-05:00

I don't know why:

Soon enough to dance

2008-04-03T10:14:00.002-05:00

There is nothing here yet...but soon. I am in the process of learning how-to dominate the world via HTML and CSS. Things will change. Bigger, blacker, louder this "blog" will grow.

The saboteurs

2008-04-03T10:13:00.001-05:00

I missed Pi day on here

2008-03-28T07:36:00.000-05:00

Happy belated three fourteen

Man, This is new AgaiN

2008-03-27T17:36:00.001-05:00

Nothing to report yet, listen to sum (0) NIN